I Am NOT Enough

I am not enough. And I am done trying to be.

There. I said it. I confessed. I am done trying to be enough.

And here is why:

I woke up the other day, checked my phone, and stared at the email in utter disbelief. My submission had been accepted. I had spent the whole night before thinking I was surely going to be rejected. I tried so hard not to worry, and yet those thoughts kept running through my head.

I’m sure you know the ones. The thoughts of self-doubt that inevitably arise when we take a chance and put ourselves out there:

  •  “I am no good at this.”
  • “I should have done things differently.”
  • “Why did I think I could do this? There are so many people out there who could do this better.”

Finally, I said ENOUGH. I declared that if it was God’s will then it would happen. If it was not His will then it wouldn’t. And I forced myself to not check my email for the rest of the night.

Then I woke up to that glorious acceptance email.

I sighed in relief, smiled with joy, and my heart started singing praises to God. In the dark, I felt Him whisper, “What if the answer had been different? What if it had been a rejection?”

And I immediately thought, “Tears. The difference would have been tears. I would be praising you just the same. The difference would be in that I would be praising You through my tears.”

If my piece had been rejected, I would have broken down in tears of sorrow and pain. But my resolve would not have changed. I still would keep trying. I still would work hard at getting better. I still would worship Him. I would simply trust that this was not His plan and wait for the something better that He had for me.

Now, before you start to think I am super righteous, I want you to know that I have not always reacted this way. I have reacted in anger. I have screamed at God. I have choked on the words “faithful” in songs we sang at church because I did not believe that He had been faithful to me.

I have not always responded in faith.

But God has been patient with me. He has spent years teaching me to trust Him. But believe me when I say, I am still very much a work in progress. It is very difficult for me to trust Him when His answer is “no.” Even more so when the answer is that dreaded “wait.”

But this time the answer was “yes”, and I was elated. But that euphoria quickly faded when I found myself thinking about all the people that would read my words now with this new opportunity. 

I immediately felt entirely inadequate and overwhelmed by the responsibility. But God brought to my mind a scene from one of my kid’s favorite movies. It is in the second of the Chronicles of Narnia series and is titled “Prince Caspian.” The scene I thought of is towards the end of the movie, when they have won the battle and are now approaching Aslan, the lion of Narnia who symbolizes Jesus Christ. Aslan eludes to the fact that Prince Caspian is now a King of Narnia.

In response, Caspian says, “I do not think I am ready.”

And Aslan concludes, “It is for that very reason I know you are.”

Chronicles of Narnia, Prince Caspian

You see, God is not looking for people who think they know it all or can do it all.

He is looking for those who know they don’t know a lot and have much to learn. He is looking for those who will admit that they are broken messes who can’t even begin to do it all. He is looking for those who are willing to say, I cannot do this on my own.

I need You, Lord, to help me.

If we believe that we are ready and can do it on our own, we are wrong. We are not ready to do what God has asked us to do. We are not enough to be what He has called us to be. We are not good enough mothers, parents, wives, sisters, followers of Christ, etc. We can’t do it on our own. We must lean on Him. Follow Him. Let Him be in control. Trust that He is our source of strength. Our guidance. Our light. Our path. That He alone knows the plans He has for our life. And that He alone is the one that will get us ready to do whatever it is that He has called us to do.

As children of the King, we need to remember that we are enough as we are for Him.

But we are not enough for the tasks He has called us to.

We need Him.

And when God sees a heart that says, “I do not think I am ready. But I will follow you, Lord, wherever you lead me, trusting that You will guide me and equip me for the work You have for me to do.”

That is when he smiles and says, “It is for that very reason, my sweet child, that I know you are ready. Let’s go. Just follow my lead.”

I am not enough. I am done trying to be. And that is okay.

Because I know the One who is more than enough.

Is God asking you to stop trying to do it all in your own strength? Is He asking you to let go and trust Him? There is immense freedom in realizing you are not enough for the task at hand, but you serve a God who is. Let go and let Him take over. I would love to hear your thoughts!

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15 thoughts on “I Am NOT Enough

  1. Great writing! And congrats! I think, especially when something great happens, that it is human nature to immediately forget that God had anything to do with it. That is was our own work. Something that I always love and benefit from being reminded is when my youth pastor says, “If God took His hand away from us, we’d be nothing.” And it is true. So it is so great that you didn’t forget what God did, but instead glorified and praised Him.

    When I saw the title of this post, I knew I’d like it. I got a pack of notebooks once, the fronts having different cute phrases, and one of them was, “You are enough.” And when I saw it I thought, “But I’m not.” People try to ignore their need for God by telling themselves their enough, but in reality, it is only God’s love and grace that even keeps them going.
    Again, thanks for sharing! 🙂 God bless!
    ❤ Abi Lyn

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey! For some reason your comment ended up in spam. Still new to all of this but figured out how to say it’s not spam. That is why it took so long for me to respond though. I am sorry about that! I am really happy that you got lunch out of it and that it helped your friend!!! God bless!

      Like

  2. Wow. Such a blessing ma’am. Most times He sees in us even what we ourselves don’t see. He is that amazing a friend and father.

    Glad to know you are trustfully walking the walk. It pays to trust His will above all else. Can come with so much pain at first but then He rewards those who faithfully seek Him.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Oh Collene! How I absolutely related to this post more than I can say!

    Not enough and yet enough. You said it perfectly, “We are enough as we are for Him. But we are not enough for the tasks He has for us.” I love that!!!! And as you shared the scene from Prince Caspian—I was brought to tears, literally–and the verses in 2 Corinthians 12: 9-10 came to mind:
    “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weakness, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weakness, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

    It’s that word “content” that I struggle with from time to time. Sometimes my mind is content in my weakness, in my “not enough” while other times it is not. I guess, like you said, it boils down to faithfulness—which is not always a feeling—maybe, rarely a feeling!

    Beautiful post, my friend!

    Oh! and congratulations on your acceptance!!!! 🙂

    Karyn

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I agree Karyn. I struggle to be content with my weakness as well. I think as women we get caught up in our feelings and just as you said we need to remember to have faith no matter how we feel. I know I struggle with that! But God is good to us in our weaknesses. He is our strength. Thank you for your sweet words and encouragement!

      Liked by 1 person

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