I love change. I am always in search of a new project, a new challenge, and a new thing to discover.
My husband, however, hates change. I tend to aggravate him with my crazy ideas.
Earlier this year I had the brilliant idea to sell our home and purchase a new one near a bigger high school that was also closer to our church. I figured a bigger school means more kids. This in turn means more chances for my kids to make friends with good kids. It also means more opportunities for my kids, and more activities to keep them occupied.
So, I decided we must move.
I started to pray. And I asked other people to pray. After all, I knew it would take an army of prayer warriors praying for me. I needed nothing short of a few miracles. I needed to find the right home, the finances to work out, and most importantly, for my husband to agree to such a huge change.
I started to hear songs on the radio about the Lord fighting battles for me and then my husband agreed to get pre-approved for a loan and meet with a realtor. YES! I just knew I was going to get my miracle. I got to work on staging our house and dreaming of the next one . . . and then a few days later my husband decided that he didn’t want to sell. He said it was too financially risky, and we should just stay here. And he was adamant about it. Ugh.
So, did I just accept his decision?
I am rather stubborn, so I started praying again. I said something along the lines of, “God, please change my husband’s mind so that we can move our kids to a better school and be closer to the church . . . But Your will be done, Lord.”
What if his mind is not the one that needs to change?
Ouch. That is not what I wanted to hear.
Who will pray over this school for me?
Who will love on the kids in your neighborhood?
What if I am asking you to stay?
What if the miracle you are looking for is not the one you need?
Um, okay, but . . .
I may not give you what you expect, but I will give you what you need.
Then later that day, I read this . . .
“So often we take matters back into our own hands. We try and fight the war through sheer willpower. If I can just be cool enough, or funny enough, or go to enough of their games, this kid will meet Jesus. Maybe if we switch churches again and go to one with a better youth group, my teenager will follow Christ. If only I was smarter and could answer their hard questions about Christianity, maybe then they would understand Jesus, but I just feel so weak. The only way to win the war is through surrender.” Alongside, Loving Teenagers with the Gospel by Drew Hill
Surrender, huh? That’s the ONLY way to win the war?
OK, so maybe I was trying to take matters into my own hands by changing homes, schools, being closer to the church, etc. I just want what I think is best for my kids. But maybe what I am really supposed to do is surrender.
Surrender my perceived sense of control. Surrender my children. Surrender to my husband’s wishes as the leader of this home. And surrender to God’s plan for my kids and my life.
And that sounds awful and scary until I remember that I am surrendering to the God of the universe who sees things I cannot see.
Who sees the bigger picture.
Who knows all the days he has ordained for my kids.
Who knows the plans he has for them.
And who loves us immensely.
I may still dream of a house with a big yard in a bigger town, and occasionally, I may still pray for change. God knows my heart and my desires, so I think that is okay. However, I am also trying hard to surrender, let go, and find ways to be content with where I am right now. Because honestly, my kids don’t need to be in the best school. What they need most is to surrender their lives to Jesus. So maybe the best thing for them is to see their mother surrendering her life to Him. And since I am stubborn, I am now bound and determined to bloom where I have been planted. 🌹
Do you struggle to surrender certain areas of your life to God? Do you feel like you surrender things to God and then turn around and grab them back up again? It can be so hard to let go, especially when it comes to our kids. But God knows our struggle. He had to let His Son go, come to this world, and then allow them to crucify him. He knows our momma hearts and He will walk with us as we learn to surrender to His love.
Do you have any advice or thoughts on the idea of surrender? Post a comment or email me! Let’s encourage and build each other up!